A friend asked, “I've been thinking about work lately. I go through periods where I really miss having a traditional 7 to 4 job. Were there any from home jobs that you held while being a full time mommy?”
This is a commonly asked question, and expresses an earnest desire. I’ll be honest; being at home 24/7 with little ones, as precious and delightful as their little faces were to me, at times left me wondering if I would ever fit back into society again after they grew up and flew the coop. Stay-at-home moms now and then emit sounds resembling a car low in power steering fluid, a scratched CD or a beginner’s first violin lesson. These are completely normal stay-at-home-mom sounds. There is nothing that a little practice, a bit of polish, and a quart of fluid (preferably Starbucks) won’t help.
But back to the original question behind the question; what is the earnest desire which motivates thoughts of going back to work? … I don’t know.
It is possible, however, that memories of the good ol’ days filled with freedom, mobility, a cute figure, sleep, dinners out, earning money, shopping alone, being appreciated, accomplishing important corporate tasks, rising to meet intellectual challenges, being able to stay focused on a task for hours… and the list goes on… it is possible that these are only memories. It certainly feels like these memories will never be revisited forever more, the end.
If I were a mouse in the corner of your favorite room in the house… the master bathroom (where your chocolate stash is kept) I might hear you say: Friends who used to be just like me… are now pretty much all just like me; loading car seats, wiping noses, reading board books, interpreting babbling noises and saying “No!” every fifth word. What do my friends and I talk about? Babies, kids, discipline issues, croup, husband’s work, exchanging babysitting, meal plans, and the cute things the kids say and do.
If a tender spot was poked, keep reading; there is hope for a future beyond your Happy Meal toy collection.
Yes, I did work while the children were little. My first job after my first child was born was to clean five houses, four each week and one every other week. I brought along my baby girl, a playpen, and a few toys, and tried to schedule my work around naptime. She even slept through vacuuming.
When I had three kids aged six, four, and 18 months, we started our own business called “Permit Us!” selling the county’s monthly building permit list to local building contractors. Our business duties involved going to the Building Department to acquire the list, making copies, and mailing them to our subscribers. A few years later, we sold map books to businesses door to door for several months. The kids knew we were helping Daddy because they were the Family Budget Committee.
Our family took in nine foster babies over the course of seven years. We did receive a stipend from the state, so in that sense it was generating a bit of income and therefore met the criteria of a job. The entire family was involved in nearly every aspect of the care these little ones received in our home. It pretty much qualified as “work” given the time, energy, apnea monitors, documentation, doctor appointments, court hearings, and numerous meetings with social workers, birth moms, guardian ad litems and health care workers.
As a family, we have built or remodeled several houses over the years. The children that were too little to work were not too little to work. They picked up nails, earning a penny for each one. And believe me, that’s a lot of gumballs!
This year I have been employed by our local medical clinic as well as our church, working part time in each capacity. Our youngest three children still at home are all in their teen years, and my husband has been a full time student (working mostly from home) until he took a full time job last month.
It is important to clarify three basic points before going further; (1) Consulting God through prayer and supplication holds the utmost priority in any decision making process, (2) Is invaluable as a married couple to be on the same page, being willing and agreeable to change plans or bow out of commitments as necessary, and (3) All jobs are temporary; children are forever.
It has been a privilege to be able to stay at home with my children, teaching them at home and being with them as they grow. This opportunity is not available to many people for various reasons.
Translation: Changing expectations of living in the manner of my “life before children” to “life with children” had the effect of looking around at what God had given me instead of looking over my shoulder.
My dad used to tell me, “What are you doing under the circumstances? Get up and get moving!”
Translation: There is always greener grass on the other side of the fence. This also applies to moms that choose to stay at home. If you do the math, you might be pleasantly surprised: Contentment is the product of thankfulness multiplied by God’s tender mercies which are new every morning.
Have I ever felt like the mom described at the beginning of this narrative? Does a snake have a neck? Of course I did… tons! My dear husband is a very patient man, indeed. Being a mom of multiple small children is not fodder for a glorious lifestyle of fame and glamour. It does, however, create an endless supply of life experience, growth, and reflection which are blank pages just chomping at the bit to be filled with words.
Every person has their own particular outlet of expression in order to consummate thoughts, ease stress levels and renew hope. Mine is writing. And so I write, often after the house is asleep. The years of my life occupied with the endless needs of little ones were no exception. Every circumstance, every issue, every quandary, every sorrow, every joy, every need… all point to God through His Word, the gentle prompting of His Spirit and His saving grace through Jesus. If I had waited to write until I had time, I would be thumbing through blank pages right now.
What is your outlet of expression? How has God gifted you? When your children are grown and begin raising children of their own, what example will they follow? When your children begin asking life questions, will they be with you or with someone else? Is home a place to live or to eat and sleep? Can a mom work and still fulfill her family obligations and be a loving and caring mom? Certainly. Yet the fact remains that “time equals relationship”. When time is divided and relegated elsewhere, energy, desires and fulfillment of desires are also divided and dispatched.
These are not meant to be guilt-producing questions; rather, in order to examine and establish decision-making paradigms which will set the course for your family’s future, it is easier to ask the hard questions now than later.
May God bless you richly as you seek His Face.
~ae
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