Jesus ~ Door

Door:

“So Jesus said to them again,

‘Truly, truly, I say to you,

I am the door of the sheep.

All who came before me are thieves and robbers,

but the sheep did not hear them.

I am the door;

if anyone enters through Me,

he will be saved,

and will go in and out and find pasture’”.

~ John 10:7-9

I dug around to find my purse and keys

deep down in the belly of the shopping cart

which was filled with bags of groceries and children of various sizes and volumes.

Grabbing the van door handle,

while mentally preparing how best to transfer the masses,

and prioritizing the list in my head of the other things

that I would need to accomplish while I was in town,

and mulling over a deep conversation I had had with a friend recently,

and trying to calculate when the baby was last fed

and reevaluating how much of my list was realistic

before she was ready to eat again,

I flung the door open…

Frozen, I stared at the unfamiliar pink sweater

on the passenger seat.

Wait… this van didn’t smell like French fries,

and I knew that I didn’t forget the diaper bag this time…

Why wasn’t it on the floor between the seats?

As the fog in my brain cleared, I felt the children tugging at my sleeve

and saying something about the van…

*GASP*  Horror!

It wasn’t our van!!!

Talk about an adrenalin rush!

I couldn’t get away from that strange vehicle quick enough.

After the kids were finally buckled in,

the groceries stacked in the back,

and my key fit into the ignition of our very own van,

I breathed a huge sigh of relief…

Jesus is the Door,

the right Door,

the only Door through which I may enter into His rest.

The experiences of joyful elation I have felt upon drawing near to Him

offer intense feelings of relief,

especially after I face the Truth,

and that which is not true is revealed.

In contrast,

a life bombarded by distraction, by temptation, by sin

harbors looming uncertainty, lack of fulfillment

and a key that won’t fit.

Upon entrance through the one true Door

there is safety, security

and hope.

Behold, Your Mother

What would she do?
Where would she go?
Who would care for her now?

When passion for independence
meets the stark reality of vulnerability,

When lifelong skills and abilities
are confronted by intense helplessness,

When the gift of serving others
gives way to the humble state of being served,

Jesus provides...

...knowing well
the full extent of our neediness,
our need for each other,
the void that accompanies loss.

...His position as God’s own Son
did not demand that He relinquish
His position as Mary’s own Son.

Jesus,
in submission to the Heavenly Father,
not neglecting His responsibilities to His earthly mother,
accomplished everything necessary
to fulfill the Scriptures.

“When Jesus then saw His mother,

and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby,

He said to His mother,

’Woman, behold, your son!’

Then He said to the disciple,

‘Behold, your mother!’

From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.”  

~John 19:26,27

I Remember...

I remember…

waking often in the night

feeling our baby move inside me;

kicks, flutters,

hiccups.

I remember…

pacing, trying to walk off

the aching in my back,

hoping my leg would not give out.

I remember…

people,

even strangers,

asking when my baby was due,

some with a countenance reflecting

tender reminiscence,

others with wistful longing.

I remember…

the pangs of labor,

gauging the length of time

between one wrenching spasm

and the next,

for what seemed like an eternity.

I remember…

breathing through the intensity

of each tremor,

anticipating the next

with foreboding,

yet focusing only on the moment.

I remember…

desperately crying out to my husband,

“I can’t do this anymore!”

as he patiently held my hand

and offered his strength to me.

I remember…

hearing our child’s first tiny cry,

feeling the release of tears

flow unhindered down my face,

seeing my husband

laughing and crying

with joy.

I remember…

holding our little one,

looking into eyes that returned my gaze,

pondering, whispering, speaking

our child’s name,  

the name which was already chosen.

I remember…

wondering what this child’s future would hold,

curious,

yet content to trust

without knowing.

I remember…

praising God

for His gift of mercy to me,

for new life,

for family,

for the future.

I remember…

the gentle murmuring voices

of those surrounding me,

waxing and waning

from my awareness;

my weariness overwhelmed

by joy.

“Mary treasured all these things, 

pondering them in her heart.”  ~Luke 2:19

The Weaned Child

A nursing babe thinks only for the moment,

His stomach soothed but never satisfied,

His sense of smell, of touch so overwhelming,

His need for milk, for love intensified.

A weaned child has experienced a fullness

Beyond the nourishment from mother’s breast.

He understands a measure of contentment

To stay enclosed within her arms at rest.

The natural man thinks only for the moment,

His passion soothed but never satisfied,

His sense of hopeless void so overwhelming

His need for truth, for love intensified.

A man of God experiences fullness

Beyond whate’er the world can give at best.

He understands immeasurable contentment

To stay enclosed within God’s arms at rest.

The babe cannot refuse milk altogether;

In lack of sustenance, would fail to thrive.

And yet he cannot simply nurse forever;

In lack of growth, unable to survive.

Just so, God gave creation for the moment,

Knowing full well that it would not suffice,

Nor could man live or grow in earthly pleasure.

Thus, He requires that man must be born twice!

~ae

“Surely I have composed and quieted my soul;

like a weaned child rests against his mother,

my soul is like a weaned child within me.

O Israel, hope is in the Lord

from this time forth and forever.”   

                                              ~Psalm 131

Mommy at Work ~ God at Work

   A friend asked, “I've been thinking about work lately. I go through periods where I really miss having a traditional 7 to 4 job. Were there any from home jobs that you held while being a full time mommy?”

   This is a commonly asked question, and expresses an earnest desire.  I’ll be honest; being at home 24/7 with little ones, as precious and delightful as their little faces were to me, at times left me wondering if I would ever fit back into society again after they grew up and flew the coop.  Stay-at-home moms now and then emit sounds resembling a car low in power steering fluid, a scratched CD or a beginner’s first violin lesson.  These are completely normal stay-at-home-mom sounds.  There is nothing that a little practice, a bit of polish, and a quart of fluid (preferably Starbucks) won’t help.

   But back to the original question behind the question; what is the earnest desire which motivates thoughts of going back to work?  … I don’t know. 

   It is possible, however, that memories of the good ol’ days filled with freedom, mobility, a cute figure, sleep, dinners out, earning money, shopping alone, being appreciated, accomplishing important corporate tasks, rising to meet intellectual challenges, being able to stay focused on a task for hours… and the list goes on… it is possible that these are only memories.  It certainly feels like these memories will never be revisited forever more, the end.

   If I were a mouse in the corner of your favorite room in the house… the master bathroom (where your chocolate stash is kept) I might hear you say:  Friends who used to be just like me… are now pretty much all just like me; loading car seats, wiping noses, reading board books, interpreting babbling noises and saying “No!” every fifth word.  What do my friends and I talk about?  Babies, kids, discipline issues, croup, husband’s work, exchanging babysitting, meal plans, and the cute things the kids say and do.

   If a tender spot was poked, keep reading; there is hope for a future beyond your Happy Meal toy collection.

   Yes, I did work while the children were little.  My first job after my first child was born was to clean five houses, four each week and one every other week.  I brought along my baby girl, a playpen, and a few toys, and tried to schedule my work around naptime.  She even slept through vacuuming. 

   When I had three kids aged six, four, and 18 months, we started our own business called “Permit Us!” selling the county’s monthly building permit list to local building contractors.  Our business duties involved going to the Building Department to acquire the list, making copies, and mailing them to our subscribers.  A few years later, we sold map books to businesses door to door for several months.  The kids knew we were helping Daddy because they were the Family Budget Committee.

   Our family took in nine foster babies over the course of seven years.  We did receive a stipend from the state, so in that sense it was generating a bit of income and therefore met the criteria of a job.  The entire family was involved in nearly every aspect of the care these little ones received in our home.  It pretty much qualified as “work” given the time, energy, apnea monitors, documentation, doctor appointments, court hearings, and numerous meetings with social workers, birth moms, guardian ad litems and health care workers.

   As a family, we have built or remodeled several houses over the years.  The children that were too little to work were not too little to work.  They picked up nails, earning a penny for each one.  And believe me, that’s a lot of gumballs!

   This year I have been employed by our local medical clinic as well as our church, working part time in each capacity.  Our youngest three children still at home are all in their teen years, and my husband has been a full time student (working mostly from home) until he took a full time job last month.

   It is important to clarify three basic points before going further; (1) Consulting God through prayer and supplication holds the utmost priority in any decision making process, (2) Is invaluable as a married couple to be on the same page, being willing and agreeable to change plans or bow out of commitments as necessary, and (3) All jobs are temporary; children are forever.

   It has been a privilege to be able to stay at home with my children, teaching them at home and being with them as they grow.  This opportunity is not available to many people for various reasons. 

   Translation:  Changing expectations of living in the manner of my “life before children” to “life with children” had the effect of looking around at what God had given me instead of looking over my shoulder. 

   My dad used to tell me, “What are you doing under the circumstances?  Get up and get moving!”  

   Translation:  There is always greener grass on the other side of the fence.  This also applies to moms that choose to stay at home. If you do the math, you might be pleasantly surprised: Contentment is the product of thankfulness multiplied by God’s tender mercies which are new every morning.

   Have I ever felt like the mom described at the beginning of this narrative?  Does a snake have a neck?  Of course I did… tons!  My dear husband is a very patient man, indeed.  Being a mom of multiple small children is not fodder for a glorious lifestyle of fame and glamour.  It does, however, create an endless supply of life experience, growth, and reflection which are blank pages just chomping at the bit to be filled with words. 

   Every person has their own particular outlet of expression in order to consummate thoughts, ease stress levels and renew hope.  Mine is writing.  And so I write, often after the house is asleep.  The years of my life occupied with the endless needs of little ones were no exception.  Every circumstance, every issue, every quandary, every sorrow, every joy, every need… all point to God through His Word, the gentle prompting of His Spirit and His saving grace through Jesus.  If I had waited to write until I had time, I would be thumbing through blank pages right now.

   What is your outlet of expression?  How has God gifted you?  When your children are grown and begin raising children of their own, what example will they follow?  When your children begin asking life questions, will they be with you or with someone else?  Is home a place to live or to eat and sleep?  Can a mom work and still fulfill her family obligations and be a loving and caring mom?  Certainly.  Yet the fact remains that “time equals relationship”.  When time is divided and relegated elsewhere, energy, desires and fulfillment of desires are also divided and dispatched. 

   These are not meant to be guilt-producing questions; rather, in order to examine and establish decision-making paradigms which will set the course for your family’s future, it is easier to ask the hard questions now than later. 

   May God bless you richly as you seek His Face.

~ae

Daddy Magic

     Our Daddy plays three songs on the guitar and one song on the piano, tells future stories, takes the kids out to breakfast, makes Daddy McMuffins, buys little cereals and Jiffy Pop popcorn on camping trips, lets the kids drive in WalMart parking lots, takes the kids skiing, goes four wheeling, dresses up as Cowboy Bob or Pioneer Pete or Diligence Dan, leads the home budget committee, sings and dances in the grocery store, shouts statements from the audience at church and at banquets, teaches the kids to drive, fills the freezer with elk meat and venison, shops at GoodWill and Salvation Army, leads family devotions, wiggles his toes in patterns, reads aloud to the kids, takes the kids and their friends fishing, growls loudly when he stretches, loves to read God’s Word, takes kids to work with him, gives the kids quarters to get gumballs, gives the kids a quarter when they answer the phone right, shouts loudly from the soccer field sidelines, writes notes throughout an entire Bible for each kid, builds campfires, shops at Costco, buys and sells cars and trucks, preaches dynamic sermons, leads Bible studies, asks everyone “What are you thankful for?”, asks people hard questions, and is an encourager to many.

     We think our Daddy is the best Daddy in the world.  He is God’s gift to our family.  

Audience of One

     The apnea monitor went off, the signal to let me know that our foster baby had stopped breathing again.  But this time, his mother was holding him and this was the first time she and I had met.  Tears of desparation and fear gathered in her eyes as she looked at me, her whole being frozen and unable to help him.  Reaching over her lap to take the baby, I massaged his back and followed the procedures to stimulate his little lungs into action.

     My painful toothache had quickly developed, requiring a root canal.  We were new in town, and had only been to church twice.  I needed someone to watch my six children, but I really didn’t know anyone well enough to request such an enormous favor.  The moment after I hung up the phone to confirm my dentist appointment for the following day, my phone rang.  It was a lady at church calling to welcome us to the community and to ask if we needed anything.

     “If you’re ever in that area, you should meet my sister.  I think you two would really like each other,” a friend told me.  A month later, I dug around in my purse for the little piece of paper with a phone number on it, and twenty minutes later, was standing on a doorstep introducing myself to a perfect stranger.

     What do these three seemingly unrelated experiences have in common? 

     Friendships are supposed to begin with a cordial introduction followed by a lunch date or meeting at the park to chat while the children play together happily, aren’t they?  Maybe.  But many of my deepest friendships began with a crisis, a desparate need or a very random and spontaneous decision.

    

    Catastrophes, emergencies, calamities, predicaments or disasters are the stage for opportunities to step into their role as encouragement, trust, integrity, hope and friendship.  And as each scene is portrayed, there is thundrous applause from the Audience of One.

"Therefore, when we could endure it no longer, we thought it best to be left behind at Athens alone and we sent Timothy, our brother and God's fellow worker in the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you as to your faith, so that no man may be disturbed by these afflictions; for you yourselves know that we have been destined for this."  I Thessalonians 3:1-3

Efficiency vs. Effectiveness

    As I watched my son slowly and methodically poke his fork into the side of his breakfast bagel, I thought it best to suggest a more efficient way. “Would you like to cut it in half with a knife?”

   “No.  This is the way Daddy does it,” was his reply.  
   It took longer, but actually worked well.  Daddy wasn’t there with us at breakfast, so my son must have remembered observing this on a previous occasion.

   A valuable lesson was to be learned this morning.  The bagel was not the issue, nor was the efficiency in dividing it.  The value of this event rested in the fact that my son had been closely watching his father, and when he saw the bagel, his mind was able to recall by association the solution his father had demonstrated.

   If he would have simply cut the bagel in the most efficient manner according to his own or someone else’s estimation, the bagel would have been cut more quickly and eaten sooner.  But he would not have revealed that he cared about his father and desired to emulate his ways.

~ae

“Come and see the works of God, 

Who is awesome in His deeds 
toward the sons of men.”  

~Psalm 66:5

Hurray Failure!

To know me is to love me

for the outcome I inspire;

I am the final straw to feed

your motivating fire.

I will show up and you will not

think very much of me,

but I will pave the road for

your new opportunity.

The tricky catch that makes me worth

the trouble I will cause,

is that I’ll make you vulnerable

as I expose your flaws.

The only way you will accept

my ever-present knock

is if you pass through brokenness

and then begin to walk

each step through dark and deep

completely buoyed by God’s grace;

His hand of mercy holding yours,

your eyes upon His face.

My work for you is not to make

you quit, give up, or leave.

I’m coffee! Wake up! See His Grace

for you to just receive.

~ae

“To know that (my children) WILL fail, and that their brokenness is not an end,

but an opportunity to turn to Christ and receive grace from Him.” 

~6 Way Intersection

Days of Discouragement

Lackluster senses,

Monotonous brain.

Nothing entices,

Activities drain.

No calling to hunger,

nor cause to get dressed.

No reason for feeling

this down or depressed.

Confusing to children,

For husband a wall;

The blessings of life

seem too hard to recall.

Days of discouragement

tend to distill

each impulsive mood

and impoverished will

by drawing attention

to hopeless despair...

But thankfulness summons

the courage to care.

Simplistic reminders,
small whispers of hope,

breathe living reminders

for power to cope.

Recalling each joy

gives assurance new shoes.

Thankful obedience

can drive out the blues.

~ae


What are you thankful for?

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 

Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men.

The Lord is near.

Be anxious for nothing,

but in everything by prayer and supplication 

with thanksgiving

let your requests be made known to God.”

~ Philippians 4:4-6

Treasures Pondered

   My memories of excitement and anticipation when the time was near for each of our babies to be born are intermingled with vivid recollections of confusion, discomfort, distraction, awkwardness and impatience. 

   Last minute arrangements for the children, loading backpacks with clothes, toothbrushes, storybooks and favorite stuffed animals, repeated explanations of the course of events on a toddler’s level of comprehension, one extremely overjoyed and slightly nervous husband, the feelings of nausea, a troublesome pinched sciatic nerve, the ever-present backache and, to top it all off, labor pains. 

   Mary rode on a donkey.

  

   Our baby came home to a safe, comfortable, sanitary house with warm blankets and no cat litter boxes within ten miles. 

   Mary’s baby was born among dirt, hay and animal waste, warmed by the heavy breath of curious domesticated animals, wrapped in hastily gathered cloth normally used for wrapping the dead.

   Of course, then there were the well wishing friends and relatives, people from church bringing amazingly delicious casseroles and treats for the children, and a trip to the airport to pick up Mom! 

   Mary was far from home, family and friends, many of whom had rejected her for becoming pregnant as she did.  Unfamiliar men, astounded and prompted by a large gathering of angels, walked down from the hillside to adore her child.  Foreign dignitaries brought unique, expensive gifts which seemed out of context.  The town was extremely crowded and inexpensive food was difficult to obtain.

   In the wee hours, as the family slept, I arose quietly to feed and rock our baby, gently humming songs of praise to the Giver of Life.  These treasured moments of nurturing remain highlights of my entire experience as a mother.

   Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.

   Mary and I each gave birth, witnessed the first breath of new life, nurtured and cared for our tiny helpless infants, received tidings of joy from very special people, and were amazed at the nearness and intimacy with which nothing else could ever compare.

   Did Mary know that her tiny precious newborn would be my baby’s Life as well?  Perhaps…

~ae

"But Mary treasured all these, pondering them in her heart.” 
~Luke 2:19

Storm

   My older sons decided that I resemble Storm, an Anime character.  You see, Storm has a really amazing gray streak of hair that swooshes to one side from above her forehead. 

   Not being familiar with this Storm woman, I asked if this was a bad thing.  “No, Mom!  We like it.”

   Proverbs 16:31 says “A gray head is a crown of glory; it is found in the way of righteousness.”

   Why ladies must feel they should prevent or get rid of any evidence of aging is a point of curiosity.  Apparently there is a perception that gray hair is not socially acceptable, a stark contrast to the honor and wisdom portrayed in God’s Word.

   There is evidence that gray hair can occur as a result of stress, trauma or tragedy.  There are countless other physiological responses to these events as well as the transformed top knot.  But somehow, gray hair seems to carry the brunt of the responsibility simply because of its obvious location. 

   Consider the children’s perspective as they listen to their mother talk as if they are to blame for this change of her hair color.  On the contrary, this transformation could have easily been as a result of heridity.  The children are presented with an inadvertent but clearly defined expectation to respond to this sarcasm, internally, by accepting the blame.   

   A more wholesome solution to this unnecessarily conjured issue would be to value the richness of this life station and the indications which accompany it.

   In the process of taking the advancing of years in stride, it is less expensive, monitarily and relationally, to stick with God’s plan; the coming Storm!

Motherhood ~ An Introduction

   Motherhood...  Ever since Cain and Able started arguing and provoking each other in the back seat of Eve’s mini-van, mothers throughout the ages have threatened to pull over, remove privileges, and even… *gasp*… well, just read Proverbs 23:13.

   Our family is no exception.  After our older children became adults, they had a good laugh together as they recalled each picking one of my favorite exclamations, then arguing until I shouted, “Stop it!”, at which point the winner (who had picked “stop it”) would feel quite smug, and the losers would be… losers.

   A friend, who is a young mother, recently asked that I blog my experiences as a mom.  This is truly an honor and a privilege.  Without any claim to perfection in parenting skills, my writings will be based on experiences and lessons learned. 

   In order to establish a premise for this blog, the following information reflects a humbly grateful heart. Over the course of the twenty-nine years in which my husband and I have been married, we have had seventeen children placed in our care:  six birth children, two unborn children, and nine foster children.  In recent years, an additional son-in-law and two grandchildren have entered our hearts and, as often as possible, our home.

   My prayer is that this blog will offer encouragement, reflect Jesus’ love, and revel in the joy of being a mom.

What Do Our Children Need From Us?

Following are notes from a recent parenting think-tank time with my husband.  It has been helpful over the years to periodically review the basic needs of our children as they grow through the stages of development and as our family dynamics change...

Prayer

Food, shelter, warmth, health care, time

Date nights

For mom and dad to have date nights

To see us in unity and to have a grounded security

A church home

Family devotions

Friends

To be listened to

To have hopes supported and schooling encouraged – to know it matters

To read

To develop the ability to write well

To learn about budgeting

To feel like we are on their side

To learn to view life from others’ perspectives

To begin making more decisions on their own

To think about how to be a good friend

To think about what kind of men/women they will be

To think about how to be a good husband/wife, a good father/mother

To be encouraged in who God made them to be

To learn hunting, fishing and hiking safety

To spend time with dad

World ~ Home

   After our family left the place we called home for nearly two decades, it was helpful for me to rediscover the definition of "home" in order to maintain a proper perspective.  There is a certain amount of crossing over between the columns below, but the identifying characteristics are made plain with the division.  
  God intended for us to differentiate between home and the world, offering us a taste of eternity, a hope and a future... 

~Psalm 28:1-4
~Joshua 24:15
~Psalm 127:1
~Psalm 93:5
~Ephesians 2:19

World...                     Home...

where we walk together                              where we live together

where we go to                                          where we go from

where we return from                                 where we return to

where we gather information                       where we gain               
                                                                  knowledge & wisdom

where we meet challenges                           where we grow

where we face danger                                 where we are safe

where we never let our guard down             where we rest

where we dress in armor                             where we relax

where we do battle                                     where we cry

where we are salt                                       where we are loved

where we are light                                      where we are forgiven

where we walk but do not join in                where we sit, walk, stand 
                                                                      and lie down

where we reach out but do not grasp           where we find help

where we depend on God                           where we study God’s 
                                                                       Word

where we are tested                                   where we pray together

where we must enter but not enter in           where we develop a 
                                                                      godly perspective

where we act                                             where we choose

where we watch                                         where we wait

where we serve                                          where we are fed

where we speak out                                    where we know quiet

where we walk in the Way                          where we get to know  
                                                                        the Way

where we spend each day                           where we begin and end 
                                                                        each day

where God commands us to go                    where God has placed 
                                                                         us

~ae