Got Any Johnny Cash?

   A recovering patient is a wonderful thing.  But when the recovering patient is a brother and you are the sister, there is valid reason for rolling of eyes.

   Today, he decided that he wanted to listen to Johnny Cash.  So he asked me to put the music on.  I told him that I didn't have any Johnny Cash music... that it was on his son’s ipod, that his son wasn't here today, and that he would have to wait until his son came back.  

   He asked every warm body that came within hearing distance from his bed, his speech still slurring from his injury, "Hey!  You got Johnny Cash?"

   The CNA that was attending him at that time was a young man originally from Ghana, Africa.  He had only lived in America for a few years, and was unfamiliar with my brother’s request.  He asked me, "What is dees Johnny Cash he keep saying all de time?"

   “It’s music,” I replied.

   "Oh, museec!  I can play da museec for you, my friend!" he told him cheerfully.

   My brother’s shoulders relaxed as he rested contentedly on his pillow and sighed, "Ahh, Johnny Cash."

   The young man found the bed's TV controls and put on some easy listening music, the kind like you might hear in a department store.

   My brother started rolling his head back and forth and groaning.  The young man said, "What is da mattah, my friend?  Ah you alright?"

   More moaning, "Johnny Cash!  Johnny Cash!  Johnny Cash!", then he rolled over (you'd think Johnny Cash was a pacifier).

   The young man looked at me with a huge smile, "I mus look up dees Johnny Cash aftah I feenish my job heah tonight." 

   I grinned back at him and said, "You can look up Johnny Cash and listen to his music if you want to, but you don't have to like it."

   My brother groaned.  
   What a big baby!  

   Looks like he's going to be just fine!  

~ae

The Sky

“What should I write about, Son?”

“You should write about the sky.”

“O.k.”

Dis guy stopped by;

he was the UPS guy.

Dis guy

handed a package to my young son.

The package was very large and very heavy.

He watched, amazed, as my son

lifted the package and carried it into the house.

He said, “Would ya look at dis guy!”

The end.

“There.

I wrote about the sky.

Now what should I write about?”

"You should take a nap, Mom."

One soup on gnat I'm ~ Translation

Upon request, the following is the story of “One soup on gnat I’m”

translated into (somewhat) proper English grammar. 

(*see previous blog entry 1/27/11)

A special thanks to Miss Communication

for her authoritative expertise in this regard.  ~ae

***************

 STORY, PARAGRAPH #1:

   One soup on gnat I’m, their whir too guise; Mr. Meaner end Mr. Ree.  Bow thud aye son thus aim twin tease icks fee mail aqua tenses.  Olive thug earl sad inner resting care actor wrist ticks witch a track did eat shove thumb ask you lunge end dare pea pole.

TRANSLATION:

   Once upon a time, there were two guys; Mr. Meaner (misdemeanor) and Mr. Ree (mystery).  Both had eyes on the same twenty-six female acquaintances.  All of the girls had interesting characteristics which attracted each of the masculine gender people.

STORY, PARAGRAPH #2:

   Theme end id knot no witch won swear though write gore rills forth air low van effect shin.  List inning tooth auger rolls swan mourning, thesis swat wassa fur herd…

TRANSLATION:

   The men did not know which ones were the right girls for their love and affection.  Listening to the girls one morning, this is what was overheard…

(* The twenty-six maidens occupy 

this portion of the story in conversation.  

Then the story continues as follows…)

STORY, PARAGRAPH #3:

   Wooden shun owe wit!  Though skies argon a bee soda lighted tube eel long toss hutch a door ring why fees!  Yukon pro bib league us switch once tern doubt tube either Mrs.

TRANSLATION:

   Wouldn’t you know it!  Those guys are gonna be so delighted to belong to such adoring wifeys!  You can probably guess which ones turned out to be their Mrs.

STORY, PARAGRAPH #4:

   Thee yen.... duh!

TRANSLATION:

  The end!

 ***************

*DEEP ANALYSIS:

   Once they enter the union of marriage, the girls drop their title of "Miss".  In this story, the happy ending displays the concept that Understanding and Communication are extremely valuable in marriage.  These actions are able to add richness to the Mystery of marriage, and can be used to meet the offensiveness of each Misdemeanor with love, forgiveness and encouragement.

*SHALLOW ANALYSIS:

   Watch chew thing can watt use ache an easel lee beam isn’t urp pretty id... oar law stint ran slay shun.

~ae

One soup on gnat I’m...

   This afternoon, I thought I heard my daughter say, 

“Foreign greedy Ents?”  

Why would she be talking about the trees in Lord of the Rings 

while she was cooking dinner?  

Oh…  “Four ingredients!”

   Such inspiration is not easily set aside…  It’s storytime!

***************

   One soup on gnat I’m, their whir too guise; Mr. Meaner end Mr. Ree.  Bow thud aye son thus aim twin tease icks fee mail aqua tenses.  Olive thug earl sad inner resting care actor wrist ticks witch a track did eat shove thumb ask you lunge end dare pea pole.

   Theme end id knot no witch won swear though write gore rills forth air low van effect shin.  List inning tooth auger rolls swan mourning, thesis swat wassa fur herd…

Miss Informed:  “I’m always at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Miss Taken:  “I think they think I’m someone else.”

Miss Givings:  “Well… I’m not sure of anything anymore.”

Miss Use:  “No one notices my best qualities.”

Miss Calculate:  “Am I missing something here?”

Miss Creant:  “My bad.”

Miss Interpret:  “Not the way I read it.”

Miss Tifye:  “I don’t even know myself.”

Miss Shun:  “C’mon, girls; this way!”

Miss Tickle:  “Wait!  I feel weird about this.”

Miss Construe:  “O.k.  Her feelings are good enough.”

Miss Silaunch:  “Look out, girls; I’m comin’ through!”

Miss Fit:  “Did you know I can walk on my elbows?”

Miss Hap:  “Oops!”

Miss Judge:  “I’m not usually wrong… usually.”

Miss Fire:  “Fail.”

Miss Deal:  “It’s just not in the cards.”

Miss Match:  “What’s the difference?”

Miss Inout:  “Hey, where’d everybody go?”

Miss Quoted:  “I thought they said I said what they thought… I think.”

Miss Teek:  “Charmed, dahling.”

Miss Leading:  “Why won’t anyone listen to me?”

Miss Align:  “You gotta give it to 'em straight, sistah.”

Miss Speld:  “Ar ew shur?”

Miss Communicate:  “Hey!  That Mr. Meaner is my kind of guy!”

Miss Understood:  “I’ve never felt so in touch until I met Mr. Ree!”

   Wooden shun owe wit!  Though skies argon a bee soda lighted tube eel long toss hutch a door ring why fees!  Yukon pro bib league us switch once tern doubt tube either Mrs.

   Thee yen.... duh!

~ae

A Knight Time Story

     Once upon a time in a land not so far away, there lived a great king who reigned o’er his kingdom with wisdom and authority.  His subjects all adored their mighty king and they felt that theirs was the choicest of all the lands.

     The king had a very large round table which had twenty-five strong wooden chairs.  The reason for so many chairs, of course, was because he had chosen twenty-four knights to be his advisory committee, fellow conquering staff and sword-carrying riding buddies.  The king’s own chair sported a comfortable purple seat cushion, embedded semi-precious jewels and a vibrating foot rest.

     The contented subjects worked and played, ate and slept, laughed and talked with each other.  No one argued, no one fought, and no one overate.  All was well in this peaceful kingdom

     Until…

     One day, an enormous elephant walked through the entrance of the kingdom and lumbered along the streets until he came near to the royal fountain in the center of the royal courtyard.  There the elephant stood in all his great size and overwhelming cumbersomeness.  He simply stood there for all to see and wonder, “What shall we do?”

     The kingdom bells rang out summoning the twenty-four knights from their very large round table, who valiantly, although somewhat cautiously, approached to within a close enough distance to the massive beast to constitute bravery.

     The king, sent word from his royal throne, for his noble knights to assess the situation:

“This is our lucky day!” cried Sir Rendipity

“I imagine so,” sighed Sir Real

“My, but he’s round!” said Sir Cumference

“We have plenty of room in the barn for him,” noted Sir Plus

“He must work if he wants to eat,” demanded Sir Vitude

“Let’s take a poll,” suggested Sir Vey

“Um… I just remembered my dental appointment,” mumbled Sir Comvent

“My saddle might fit him,” thought Sir Ket

“His small intestines must be thirty miles long!” whispered Sir Jickle

“There’s only one way to find out,” replied Sir Jury

“I wouldn’t want him to step on me,” said Sir Pent

“The curve of his nose is quite interesting,” observed Sir Penteen

“I’ll bet he sings bass?” asked Sir Optimist

“He looks good to me,” quipped Sir Fess

“I wonder what he needs,” thought Sir Vant

“It’s just a guess, but I have a theory he may bite,” cautioned Sir Mize

“I don’t trust him one bit!” grumbled Sir Lee

“Eh!  My uncle usta have one ‘o dees!” commented Sir Acuse

“Perhaps we could train him to work,” suggested Sir Viss

“We’d better put him down.” insisted Sir Inje

“Is he wearing any identification?” questioned Sir Tifye

“Check his teeth,” instructed Sir Ka

“Run!” cried Sir Render

“No!  We’re still alive!” shouted Sir Vivor

     Without warning, the elephant slowly turned his enormous body with considerable ease and sauntered back through the entrance gate of the kingdom, never to be seen again.

     ~The End~

Author's Note:  This might be a true story… then again, it might not. 

Sir Call.

~ae